Wishful thinking

You know how some people say "your relationship with your father on earth is reflective of the one of your father in heaven."

or something along those lines.
Well its kinda true =.=

I don't really talk to my dad. Really. Which means I don't talk to God.
The last thing I remember my dad talking about in the car was about ACHMED the dead terrorist! And that was awhile ago.

Today he drove us to school, and there was this complete, awkward silence throughout the whole journey. Which is sad.
Like most Asian dads, mine keeps his emotions on a tight rein of control. The only thing he lets out are emotions of the negative sort. Most of the time. And the times he starts smiling I start thinking, "DAD'S SMILING!" or "He's laughing!"
And then I start grinning like a bliddy idiot.
Then he waltzes off to watch tv or back to his desk in the room.

Recently on father's day. I made him a card. And to my dismay, all I could write was. Happy father's day. Hope you like the gift. And my brother wrote the same. It's .. yeah. For someone I've known 16 years of my life. That's all I could bring myself 'to write.
Mum told us he opened the card, took one look at it and went "Mm." And then put it away.
And she then proceeded to admonish us on why we couldn't write more.

Occasionally he gives us motivational talks. And we get motivated. And then the cycle repeats.
Today I played the piano. I really played it. With emotion. And I felt really shaken afterwards.
And I actually started tearing up as a played the keys. My hands were shaking throughout. Man. I suppose it sounds rather silly when I say it like that. Its just one of those moments you experience when you're alone. Sigh.

Sometimes I wish I had an older brother. I don't want a sister. A brother. A big bro. My current brother is nice as he already is. But I think it'd be nice to have someone I can look up to. To fill in the gap. Or a twin brother. It'd be nice if my current bro was a twin of mine. Since we get along so well and all.
And yes. We don't fight.
Besides. Its kind of lonely at home. When your bro is upstairs playing wolfteam. When your dad is stoic and working at his desk or out at pointless 'how to be a millionaire' meetings. And when mom is working hard in the office. But I've recently been spending more time with my bro. And that's been real fun. If anyone were drowning I'd probably save him first. . .
Of course. You're not going to tell him I said that.


Okay. I'm done venting. Mum tells us to be grateful to dad cos he set apart money for our education and planned for our future and everything. I am grateful. But in exchange. I have no idea who he is at all. Just someone I call dad.

Sigh. Yeah. . I guess now i'm done. People who have dads that play ball with them or spend time with them are lucky I suppose. Must be nice.