Today I realized that I don't really like being at the center of attention. As nice as all the attention is, it makes me feel rather awkward. Haha. And I start to squirm. Anyway. I found this, so I thought I'd share =]
100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
A day without sunshine is like, night.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Honk if you love peace and quiet
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
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