Baaah. I have been eating too much. I need to go swimming when I come back. Every. Single. Day. Shoh faht. Meh.

And mom. Your fried garlic prawns are on par with Rockpool (a fine dining restaurant in Burswood with a famous chef a.k.a Neil Perry). WE CAN OPEN A RESTAURANT. Hohoho. But seriously. When I ate it. I thought. My mom makes this. It tastes the same. BRAVOOOOHHHH. Their desserts of course. Are another matter entirely.

TOMORROW WILL BE THE LAST WEEK OF UNI. Sort of. I still have stuff due but its study week after this. Huhu. The book arrived today! But apparently I didn't hear the door bell sooo its gonna be delivered again tomorrow. Heh. I am anxious/excited on how it'll look. Mostly anxious. And filled with trepidation. So scared.

I have this horrible fear I'm going to do terribly this semester. Remember that nightmare from semester 1? Where I dreamed I got 60 something. Haiz. Paranoid now. I've been playing heaps this semester I think. So I deserve whatever I get. Sigh. At which point I start thinking, OMG, what am I going to do when i'm older? What if I'm no good? What if I don't get a job?! What if I don't get chosen for Honours? The horror. And uncertainty. Is killing me. You never think about this kind of stuff when you're a kid. And now looking back, I don't know what I was thinking about back then. Haha.

Our teacher brought in some of his illustration books form his library on all the digital painting techniques. MY GOSH. You know how other people are so good, its depressing. Yeaa. Like shittt. Such a long way to go! Kay. This holiday, I'm gonna learn whatever I can. And hopefully (fingers and toes crossed) get better.

But. The problem is. When I come home. I'm going to be so distracted. I'll start watching shows. And going out. And going swimming. And playing. And playing. And playing. I have no discipline. SO BAD.

...I need to go learn how to cook more stuff. OH. THIS SEM WASN'T ENTIRELY UNPRODUCTIVE IN THE CULINARY DEPARTMENT. Huhu. I learned how to make tiramisu, more types of pasta dishes (huhu, have gotten rounder I imagine) and more chicken dishes. AND I HAVE MY MOTHER'S CAJUN CHICKEN DOWN PAT. Nyah. And the father's famous kuey teow dish has been praised as being restaurant worthy. Huhu. Vegetable dishes are a complete fail.

SO. The silver lining is. Even if I fail in graphic design. There's a shot for me in the food business. You people can all be loyal customers.

OH MY GOSH. I wanna watch this so bad.

Jesus: Hello. Did you call me?

Man: Called you? No. Who is this?

Jesus: This is Jesus. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

Man: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

Jesus: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Man: Don’t know. But I can’t find free time. Life has become hectic. It’s rush hour all the time.

Jesus: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Man: I understand. But I still can’t figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

Jesus: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Man: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

Jesus: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Man: why are we then constantly unhappy?

Jesus: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That’s why you are not happy.

Man: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

Jesus: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Man: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.

Jesus: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Man: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

Jesus: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don’t suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Man: You mean to say such experience is useful?

Jesus: Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Man: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can’t we be free from problems?

Jesus: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Man: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don’t know where we are heading.

Jesus: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Man: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

Jesus: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Man: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

Jesus: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Man: What surprises you about people?

Jesus: When they suffer they ask, “why me? When they prosper, they never ask “Why me” Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Man: Sometimes I ask, who I am, why am I here. I can’t get the answer.

Jesus: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Man: How can I get the best out of life?

Jesus: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Man: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

Jesus: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Man: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the day with a new sense of inspiration.

Jesus: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don’t believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

Man: Thank you so much.

Jesus: You are always welcome. Have a good day my friend.

The year is already ending. I'LL BE IN THIRD YEAR NEXT YEAR. And then I'll be graduating! What is this! AND THEN I'LL HAVE TO WORK.

...I was not meant to work. I am a strong believer that I was born to be a parasite to my family for pretty much all of my life. Okay being serious. Now I have to start thinking 'stay here?' or 'go back?' Its like. I only get one more year to be a kid. Sad shit.

A couple of people have passed away recently. Back home I mean. And they were old. Like. Late 90's. In school my teacher told us crazy stuff/family dramas always come up at the end of each semester for her. This semester she found out her family member got cancer. He's 30 odd. And then the next day, her boyfriend's friend or someone found out he got cancer too. He's 21. Like AHH. That's even worse! And then a friend passed away in her sleep. Brain aneurysm. She just got engaged and was planning for her wedding w/ her boyfriend. And now her boyfriend has to plan her funeral. 20 something too.

Its really shitty to die so old and unglamorously when all your faculties fail you. And then its really tragic if you die so young. Somehow the latter seems more romantic. If you know what I mean. ...But really neither is good.

I dunno.Maybe it'd be better if god just lets us disappear once we reached the best that we could've and if the only way we were gonna go after that is down. ...clearly I haven't thought this through.

Everyone's leaving to go off their own way. Oh man. I have so many questions. I know the relationships I have now are changing and they'll continue to change. Will it be better? Worse? What if all of us drift apart despite the heartfelt promises that we won't. What then? What if I change? What if you do? What if you're no longer the person I once knew? For better or worse? Man. It feels strange. Like you're being left behind.

You know when you always talk of the future and how it will be x amount of years from now. It always comes too soon.